What Would You Do?

Friendships are interesting dynamics. Sometimes you have friends for life, though you have your ups and downs. Sometimes you have friends that you meet later in life and wonder - where've you been all this time!? Then there are friends are end up being more toxic than beneficial. And then, there are just times when friends show themselves to be something they are not.

I have a friend who is just not being a friend who I've mentioned before. There one who committed to being my maid of honor and then decided to have her wedding three weeks before my wedding? Did I mention that she was offended that I inquired as to her ability to uphold her prior commitment in the same email where I congratulated her on finding the venue of her choice for her wedding? Ok, fine, so you're offended. That was not the intention, so I apologized, yet she refuses to acknowledge any form of communication. The one time where she initiated a plan to talk, there was an ulterior motive, AND she fell asleep, so there was no talking to be done. Reschedule? Nah, let's just blow off someone who I made a prior commitment to for a huge event and be done with it. Really? That's how you do your friends?

At this point, I'm over it. I've pretty much decided how I am going to handle the situation moving forward. But what I don't understand is how can you claim to be someone who will talk your differences out with a friend and then act completely inopposite of that? And to be this way with such a huge event coming up. It baffles my mind. It really does.

A New Experience - Part 2

Ok, so after Cooperstown, my other half and I went off driving further north to Bennington, Vermont. It was a warm, sunny afternoon - the perfect weather for driving. The route we took was windy and twisty, full of amazing views.

After we'd been driving for a bit, it felt like we were on the road to nowhere. To be honest, there were times when I doubted my co-piloting skills. Signage is not as prevalent there as I am accustomed. Then, I saw this from a distance:
This is the Bennington Battle Monument. It is absolutely stunning. Quite frankly it's huge. Such a sight to see along with the tops of the greenest trees that had just a little touch of red at the tops.

Soon, we come across this quaint looking place:

It is set back from the road just a bit with a stone wall in front. I see a sign . . . it says Four Chimneys Inn. THIS is where we stayed during our visit. It may not look like much . . . but let me just say - there is much land surrounding it, the front porch has a sitting area which provided a nice place for me and my other half to relax and read, the people were just so nice. Our room was gorgeous. It faced the front lawn, 7-bay window and it had a fireplace. I'll admit I am a traditional fireplace kinda gal, but for the chilly late night and early morning temperatures, the fireplace kept me nice and toasty. A touch of brilliancy from the decorator had the television tucked away in a little alcove hidden by a picture. You had to swing the picture to the left to see the television. This definitely prompted enjoying our surroundings and the quiet.

After we settled into the room, we took a break from the driving and did exactly what you're supposed to do at a bed and breakfast - we relaxed and enjoyed our surroundings. We indulged for dinner and had pure decadence. Well worth it after a day's drive.

The next morning we set off driving. We drove through Bennington and then went on the most incredibly scenic drive. We headed north along the east side of the Green Mountain National Forest. How amazing it must be during skiing season. Judging by the lodges and shops, that area gets quite the number of skiers. When we were there . . . there was no one. No matter. During our drive, we stopped at a campground and ate lunch to the sounds of nature. Our drive back was south along the west side of the Green Mountain National Forest. Simply stunning.

To cap off the afternoon/evening . . . we went on a moose hunt. Here's some background information on the moose in Bennington: http://www.benningtonmoosefest.com/about.html. We asked the proprietor of the Four Chimneys Inn because I was so curious as to the moose that I saw throughout town. Once I heard they were spread out through the town, I just had to go on a moose hunt and take pictures. While I don't have the pictures downloaded from my camera yet, here are two of the moose that I was able to snap pictures of:

Day at the Office Moose

Santa Moose

The next day we sadly packed up our bags. Both my other half and I acknowledged that we could have stayed there for at least a week or two. I think we plan on going back next year. We'll have to remember to bring the coffee press. For whatever reason, we couldn't get a strong cup of coffee to save our lives while we were in Vermont. And shock of all shockers - there wasn't a Starbucks anywhere in town. I have to say that it was kind of nice that it was a simple place that didn't feel like it had to give in to all the latest trends.

On our drive home, my other half surprised me and we detoured to Albany, NY. This was sweet for two reasons: he knew I really wanted to see the Egg and Albany is the first place that we travelled to together. The Egg is such a sight to see as one drives into Albany a particular way:

How I spent my summer vacation. The end.

Friends - they come and go

Over the past year or so, things have changed in ways I would have never expected - some of my friendships or lack thereof.

I no longer speak to a gal who was once my closest and dearest friend for over five years. What happened? Well, it was a culmination of things . . . the last being the amount of disrespect she showed the last time she was in my home. That on top of the fact that she could not muster enough courtesy to be civil to the man who is now my other half. The day I told her we were thinking of going to Vegas (which we subsequently did), she said NOTHING. Who says nothing when the gal they say is like a sister is about to embark on the most wonderful journey ever with another human being? Who says nothing when her best gal pal is happier than ever? Who? Well, that would be my old best friend. Like I said, there were things that led up to my deciding the friendship could not continue the way it had been going, but I didn't think the final result would be no longer speaking to her. It was downright embarassing how she was towards my now other half, and he said nothing. He did all he could to show kindness and warmth towards her. He never made me choose. In a weird way, she is the one who forced my decision. At the time when I just couldn't take it any more, I ceased to speak with her. I had no energy for her or our friendship. It felt like she was taking and taking and being incredibly selfish. Things that once helped us no longer helped me and I just wanted to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And, well, quite frankly, it's insulting for someone who is supposed to be my best friend to tell me that it's time for me it's been long enough since my mother's death and it's time to get over it. Not to mention it was just offensive to me when she has shown she has no sense of loyalty to her friends when she expects such loyalty to her. While there are times when I miss her as a part of my life, I truly do not miss the drama that came along with having her in my life.

Then, I don't see one of my closest friends who came to Vegas with me since we returned. She gets engaged (wahoo!!) yet I haven't been able to get together with her or her fiance to congratulate them and take them out. THEN . . . she schedules their wedding three weeks before mine (though we did Vegas, we want to do the whole church and reception event for our family and closest friends). Did I mention that she is supposed to be my maid of honor? In my opinion, I see that as the biggest F U, ever. She didn't even have the courtesy to approach me about the timing and the fact that she is supposed to be the maid of honor. And to be honest, I cannot think of a single thing that me or my other half could have done to warrant not seeing her or her fiance since we returned from Vegas over six month ago. It's as though she's done a complete about face and decided to just exit stage left.

My other half's father told me that sometimes weirdness ensues after two people get married - not exactly his words, but you get the idea. He said that the unmarried folks, especially, may act differently. Is it a coincidence that both of these gals were not married at the time when my life was evolving and evolved into a married life? I have no idea. But while the ones who I have known for quite some time have fallen by the wayside or chosen to extricate themselves from my life, there are those who have remained and been steadfast in their friendships. There are those who are excited for me and this new time in my life and look forward to sharing in our special day. There are those who have re-entered my life in a most unusual way (that's for another day).

While I miss some of the people who used to be a part of my life, it has been an interesting journey to see who my true friends really are. And it has been quite a development to see that people who I didn't see as such good friends are truly good ones. Personally, I'll take the ones who want to go through life - the good, the bad, the ugly - together. That's the point, right?

A New Experience

Earlier this month my other half and I went on vacation. It was no ordinary vacation for me as I'd really not done a "driving" (ok, riding) vacation. We tossed around a few ideas for vacation prior to the decision of a driving vacation, but this was a new one, at least for me, in terms of vacations.

Part I - Cooperstown

Why would I want to go to Cooperstown, you may be thinking. There's NOTHING to do there, aside from go to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Precisely the point. As far as memory serves, I had not been to The BHF (my father quickly corrected me - apparently I was there before the ripe age of 5. Umm, and I would remember that trip why?). To go was exciting to me because last year I developed a love for baseball, thanks to my other half. I have been an avid fan of the Mets (yes, the Mets) and even started scoring games (until I just couldn't take it anymore this season). To be honest, there is a lot of interesting stuff at The BHF. A lot of tidbits of information that were completely unknown to me in addition to seeing the huge area as a tribute to Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron. And seriously, who doesn't like watching Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" skit. Oh, and where else can you find a t-shirt that is made of the softest cotton EVER that is twice as much as the baseball cap purchased?! Seriously, I was like a kid in a candy shop in the museum shop. I wanted this, and this, and this, and this, and this . . . Restraint. I had to have much restraint.

Cooperstown in and of itself is a small, sleepy town. It's quaint, about two blocks long. And it is clear that everyone knows everyone. And, there's this amazing lake there. Absolutely amazing. It's real name is Otsego Lake . . . also known as Glimmerglass Lake. It was so beautiful. Words simply cannot describe the beauty of the lake. We drove to the lake around early afternoon. Looking out, seeing the sun reflect off the lake . . . "glimmerglass" is fitting.

Given how far north we were, you could see that fall was already making its debut. Tops of trees had that beautiful red hue, the morning air was crisp, the temperatures were brisk in the morning, warm in the afternoon and back to chilly at night. The driving was fun - roads were curvy, views were spectacular. Just what convertibles were made for.

Part 2, including the great moose (yes, I said moose) hunt, to follow.

A Slight Change in Plans

Generally it goes like this:

Alarm goes off.
Hit snooze, go back to sleep.
Hit snooze, go back to sleep again.
Pry sleepy self out of bed.
Freshen up from the night.
Get dressed for work.
Make lunch - if there is stuff readily available.
Grab newspaper from doormat on the way to the car.

Yeah, pretty exciting, eh? Call it what you will, this is generally my morning routine. Very rarely engaging in much conversation, especially during the work week.

When my other half and I started living together, a bone of contention was my daily schedule. It could generally be seen as me taking the incredibly early first shift and him taking the more normal (but late to me) shift. So, ok, no problem . . . to end some of the disagreements, I started adjusting to staying up a little later at night and waking up a little later in the morning so that we could spend more time together. But there was still something off as I wasn't exactly connecting with my other half in the morning, let alone talk to him much aside from "good morning" and "ok, I'm leaving, I'll see you later". I definitely was not helping matters much given that I ease into my day with respect to the basics like talking and smiling. I don't just wake up and poof! I'm smiling and all sorts of happy, happy, joy, joy.

Last Thursday morning, he initiated something different in the morning. Afte waking up early he asked if I would go to Starbucks with him. It's a mere um, block and a half from our place, so it's not like he was asking something completely unreasonable. So, semi-reluctantly I dragged my lazy self out of bed, threw on some clothes and flip flops and headed out the door. To my surprise, we had an brief, but enjoyable, walk to Starbucks, got a refreshing drink (LOVE lemonade iced tea), a bite to eat and then we headed home. We joked around, had a few laughs . . . we connected. And it started our respective days off on quite a different foot. My other half was incredibly cheerful and centered and I felt incredibly happy and content. We connected and it's not like it required a whole lot of change; especially on my part.

And now, back to our regular scheduled programming. Well, kind of.

Who was that man?

I honestly cannot tell you where all the time is going. Days, weeks slip by and I have no idea what I have done. While I cannot recall every detail or event, there were a couple of biggies.

Last week was the first time in almost a year that me and my other half were separated for five days while he went on a business trip. It was very odd to be without him. While I did enjoy the quiet of the house and being alone, there were times when that enjoyment was quickly replaced with sadness because of the simple fact that I was alone. However, that feeling was quickly supplanted by the fact that my father was in town for another week long visit. Would someone please explain to me how he thinks calling four days before his arrival is sufficient notice, especially with the expectation that he was going to stay with me while in town? I will never understand. So, Sunday, my other half leaves, then my father comes into town Monday night saying that he will be staying in a hotel, which happens to be a mere four blocks from where I live. Oh, and that it was a pleasant but unexpected surprise that I was there to pick him and my stepmother up. What an unbelievable surprise. I seriously thought he was joking with me. Of course on the drive to the hotel, my father attempted to pull some of his usual just in town antics, but I calmly set my foot down that I could not participate. At the last minute when I was dropping my father and step-mother off at the hotel, she tried to pull a bait and switch. And, again, I calmly stated that staying with me was not possible – it’s late, I have to go to work in the morning and nothing is prepared for them to stay. Tuesday I was not looking forward to checking in on my father as I was concerned whether he would attempt to pull something that would result in staying with me for the duration of his stay. Again, to my surprise, my father did nothing of what I was expecting. Nor did he attempt to impose himself and his wife into my home the following night while we were at dinner. And he even stated that they would be cutting their trip short and return home on Thursday. During dinner, he was shockingly talkative and singing the praises of the hotel.

Not too long ago, I wrote briefly on boundaries . . . since then, I’ve done everything I could to calmly maintain my boundaries with my father. Part of me is suspicious as to why this trip went so smoothly, however I keep myself from constantly questioning it because I don’t know what may or may not have happened to change how my father approaches his visits. So, what I thought would be an incredibly stressful week turned out to be relatively painless. If nothing else, I look at it as a result of setting boundaries and firmly maintaining them. Phew!

Family Fun Time

I remember the days of sitting for hours playing chess or checkers with my father or chinese checkers or rummy (Scrabble came in around high school) with my mom. During family gatherings, the goal was for one of the cousins to beat my mother at Scrabble. (Yes, my mother was the one who could get massive amount of points from one or two strategically placed tiles).

In an effort to have more constructive time together (no television/movie or house tasks), my other half and I came up with a few games to play together. This past week I managed to remember to pick up Scrabble. We peeled off the plastic wrapping and sat down for our first game this past Saturday night. It was late, we were both thoroughly exhausted from our day, yet there was a feel of excitement in the air as we were about to engage in this activity together for the first time. And it was pretty fun to play by candlelight as well. Nor was there any score-keeping this game, which was probably a good thing given that we are both incredibly competitive people.

I'm not really sure how long the game lasted. What I do know is that we had an incredibly fun time playing. It was clear that the wheels were turning and even though we weren't keeping score, there was planning (ok, plotting) on both sides. There were only a few tiles left, I could tell he was ready to call it quits (he was falling asleep at the table, well . . . It was past one in the morning), but he pushed through only for me to use all my tiles successfully first. (Tee hee). I think he said next time we're keeping score.